Almost thirteen years ago my beautiful little boy was born. To me, like many parents, he was the embodiment of perfection, an adorable face, all ten fingers and toes, ringlets of curly hair, big blue eyes, smiles and sighs of contentment when held by his parents and grandparents.
Almost eleven years ago, we were given the hugely daunting, then devastating, indescribably unknown, diagnosis for our perfect child… he had autism.
About ten years ago, I attended an autism support group meeting where I heard for the first time ever in my life, a mom describing her grown child being “non-verbal.” This was the first time that I ever heard that a person could grow up and never be able to talk. I left in shock, devastated, and have never returned to an autism support group.
A few years ago, you might have seen or read my post, A Little Note… ok, not so little… Note on Special Ed and Tolerance. Wow, we’ve come a long way!
This is not a downer, or blubbering, I swear! Keep reading, haha!…..
Through all of the twelve and a half years of having the incredible privilege of being Charlie’s mom and watching him grow and mature into a young teenager-to-be, I have grown, and changed, and evolved, and hopefully become more aware, more compassionate, more involved, and a more determined activist. I knew so little twelve and a half years ago, now I try to advocate for the needs and rights and hopes for those disabled like Charlie and those with other disabilities. With my heart overflowing with love for my son, I feel the need to speak for him and for others who cannot. I feel the need to share my love and his. I want to communicate what he cannot, and share the fact that he is just like his peers, he wants to be like everyone else. I have immense optimism and hope for his future and that of so many of his peers.
I believe the world has also evolved in those relatively short twelve and a half years. We have experienced some hurtful things over the years, kids can be brutally honest, adults can be cruel. But for the most part, I believe the world can be a kind and supportive place. Beliefs and stereotypes are changing. Today was an amazing example of that!
Today, Charlie graduated from elementary school! It may be a silly milestone that we make a huge deal of, but when you consider the obstacles that so many children have to overcome to get into school, into a typical classroom, to hold a pencil, to focus past the distractions, to overcome the intimidation of all of the schoolmates, the loud noise, and the strange settings…. just to learn the basics… it’s a HUGE accomplishment. On top of all of that, so many of us parents are told, “I’m sorry, kids with autism will likely never… “ Or, “I’m sorry, your child is never going to… “ We, personally, are so grateful and so lucky to have had Charlie’s elementary school years filled with gifted teachers and specialists who saw past Charlie’s “cannot’s” and worked to build on his strengths. And while Charlie has extreme difficulties, Charlie has always shown those close to him, that his disabilities should not be equated with low intelligence. Charlie has an incredibly difficult time communicating, but he craves friendship and companionship with his peers.
Today, at elementary school graduation, Charlie was shown that the world has seen him for who he is, the world has evolved, and he was honored with being asked to speak at his 5th Grade Culmination! Charlie! I don’t take any credit for this!! In fact, I was kept in the dark, completely! Last night, I even told another mom that her son was pulling her leg when he told her Charlie was speaking at graduation! Ha! (I’m so sorry, Riley & Tricia!” Haha!) Charlie’s teacher, Ms. Bilavarn, is talented beyond words, tireless, devoted, relentless in her efforts with our children and with spreading positive awareness. Charlie’s one-on-one aide, Bianca, is truly an angel we were blessed with. The support our inspiring teacher has in the class is second to none (Mr. Little, Mr. Johnson). These people have heart that I have never seen in anyone in my life! Knowing them for the few years I have, and knowing there are people in the world like them, has truly been a gift I will cherish always. The school, (I would like to name them because they deserve so much recognition), the many support staff, the principal (Mrs. Haynes & Ms. Doucette previously, Ms. Aragon AP), the speech and occupational therapists, the office staff, the cafeteria workers, the gate-keepers, the general education and the arts teachers (Mr. Kinsley is just one and Ms. Stephanie for letting Charlie be a ham!), all more than include and welcome our special education students into their fold and encourage participation and friendship! It’s incredible! It’s heart-warming and leaves us parents with beautiful optimism and hope for our special-needs children’s future world. And because they have welcomed our children and encouraged their efforts, the typical students will leave elementary school knowing that autism is not scary, not intimidating, that we are all alike, and have strengths and weaknesses, and can all be friends and work together. Today Autism Awareness truly was Autism Acceptance!
I think I cried through Charlie’s entire speech today. I have to go back and watch it on video! I cry even thinking about it! I even think Charlie’s dad cried today.
Today Riverside Drive Charter Elementary, and every single teacher, staff, parent and child, abolished any “He can’t” or “He won’t” we have ever heard! By asking Charlie to speak for a few short minutes, with the help of his aide Bianca, you have literally undone every single “He will never speak,” we have ever had the pain of hearing!! The theme of this year’s Culmination was Friendship and I can’t imagine a bigger or more meaningful act of Friendship! Riverside friends, you have truly defined the word today!
There are no words meaningful enough to thank Ms. Bilavarn and Bianca! But I also thank every single one of you! Thank you for seeing Charlie’s bright light and for letting him grow and shine in your company. Thank you for letting him share his voice today! Thank you for helping him grow his voice and his confidence! You have shown Charlie “He can!” And you have shown a couple of hopeful parents a very beautiful, incredible and promising future!
Please take a look at the video and all of the beautiful Facebook comments… https://www.facebook.com/kristinabantjenkins/posts/10216364924935161
