Autism. Vacuum-Cleaners. Buddhism. Yes, this is a real post.

I read this joke in one of my books for class yesterday…

“Why should you never buy a vacuum cleaner from a Buddhist? … because it doesn’t have any attachments!!”

Ba-doom-boom! ???

This hits such a chord with me… 1. Because I have really had such a deep interest in Buddhist thought and philosophy since my teens… & 2. because I ended up with a child with autism, who, like quite a few with autism, has such a deep interest in vacuums!! ?…

Which brings me to these thoughts… as a parent of a child with autism or of any disabilities or special needs, one of the hardest struggles is learning that you do not have the child that you dreamt of and planned for… you have a completely different child than you had ever envisioned. You mention an essay to any special-needs parent about “Traveling to Neverland,” (or one of the many variations), and we ALL immediately know what it is… a story of how you dreamt for years of traveling to Italy, read all the guidebooks, planned all the tours, took Italian classes, packed your clothes, got on the plane… and landed in Neverland. It’s a different land, crazy language, you don’t know what the people are doing here, it’s completely unknown, you have all the wrong clothes, are lost, and none of your friends know this place or can relate to where you are!

I felt, the hardest part of those first years of the diagnosis was this, realizing I had to let go. Let go of every idea of parenting and every dream that once was. The point of the Neverland story is that once you let go of your preconceived ideas, all the plans and maybe of the dreams you once had, once you let go of your attachments… you can see truly what is in front of you, and, with open fresh eyes, fall in love with what is… present! I think this would be such a beautiful concept for any parent and child. Can we let go of what our expectations were… tall, blond, playing the piano or a specific sport and excelling at it, or going to a specific college?! What if he hates sports, and doesn’t plan to go to any college?! What if?! Let your child show you who they are, completely separate of any expectation you have, and see how amazing and awe-inspiring that is!

Perhaps the same truth lies in letting go of negative ideas. A few years ago I started using the hashtag #THISisAutism as part of a campaign to show the lighter positive side of living with autism and so I follow it and see all the posts. I’m often saddened by what’s posted. I intended to show an endearing smile at a grandfather, a kid trying to ride the subway for the first time with his companion/aide, finally making a basket, or a huge triumph or achievement! Instead of tantrums, drug trials, and an overkill of chicken nuggets, let’s show the commonalities, the love of Minions or skateboarding with a big brother. We have more that makes us alike than emphasizing our differences. The sad negative stereotyping perpetuates a view others have of autism. Is this really all there is? Of course not! Do they exist? Of course they do! But how can we change perceptions of a daunting disorder if we ourselves cannot let go of our own attachments to the negative?! Perhaps we need to change our own focus, from the negative struggles, which we all have, with or without autism, to the joys, the smiles, the giggles that give us the strength to keep going when things get tough. Perhaps through letting go of our own attachments to thoughts, we will be open to seeing something amazing! Perhaps we will realize new dreams!

Let’s all try to grow from #AutismAwareness to #AutismAcceptance! Happy #Autism-April! & Happy Throwback-Thursday everyone, with a little pic of my vacuum-lover! #tbt

P.S. Sincerely, I do not mean any insult in commenting on anyone tough’s times or posts, we ALL have struggles and bad days…. I just wanted to make a commentary on my philosophy! Namaste.