Oh we are wiser as we grow older, it’s almost a shame, the wisdom, but also the thoughts of, I wish I knew this then….
My son is 17-1/2, turning 18 this year!! *mind-blown. What an amazing trip parenthood is!! If I could talk to that younger self, 17 years ago, there are a few things I wish I could impress upon myself. I really wish I could grab those shoulders, say, “these shoulders will bear so much weight, these arms will do so much heavy lifting, this back with literally & figuratively break…” and you will never trade one milli-second of it for anything, because the love you will see, feel, give, the awe of looking at your child at any age or stage, everything is more than your imagination was or ever will be capable of envisioning…. enjoy every single second of it!
I wish I could have told a few of the doctors or “specialists” not to word things that way, that way that seemed to break me, or at least break my heart for the time being. I wish instead of saying, “all those dreams you have, let them go, they will never come true, your son will never get a drivers license or graduate high school…” *harsh record-scratch… SHUT THE F* UP! What they should have said is, “Who the F* cares if your child is different from the norm?! Who the F* cares if your kid looks different at the playground, plays different, sounds different, is different?! He’s YOUR baby! He’s the same baby you coddled in your womb, the same baby you were in awe to give birth to, the same baby who is the cutest, loveliest, cuddliest, funniest, squishiest, baby that ever existed! He’s the same baby that is the love of your life, and hell-yeah he deserves to be! Forever and always!” So there will be some struggles! Get ready! Let’s set a plan, address some issues… But seriously, parenthood is full of struggles, for everyone! So now, sink into and cherish every single f*ing moment!! Breathe it in!
Squish those chubby cheeks! Kiss them more than they allow! Smile every time your child looks at you and grins! Giggle every time your goofball laughs that belly laugh! Hug every chance you get! Thrill and beam at every little step! Kiss every owie! Love every ounce and every second until your heart explodes! Relish in every moment, we don’t get them back! And F* any one who tries to change it, dampen our awe, diminish our dreams, or put pain into the most beautiful gift any of us can ever be given the opportunity to live… parenthood! Live! Love! Be a mommy/daddy!
And now I go back to a 17-1/2 year-old that slammed the door on me a few times today, oh, but then opened it only to glare and slam it again, should I have missed the word-less intention in the first attempt! I try to kiss him in his sleep, while he isn’t conscious to push me away, only to hear, “Get out” in his sleep! *heart breaks. But I know this is the most normal thing he can do at 17-1/2, exert his independence, become his own man, pull away from mom, push away the arms he gripped and clinged desperately to 14 years ago. I brush away a tear at the thought of those memories and feel proud, yeah, you’re making your own way, you little Sh**head! I will love you and cherish you no matter what!! To the end of the earth!
